Tomorrow.

Sep 1, 2017
3 min read

“Tomorrow” is a word that I find myself using a lot these days. “I’ll clean the kitchen tomorrow”, “I’ll put those clothes away tomorrow” and my favorite line ever in the entire universe… “I’ll start taking care of my body tomorrow”.

For most of my life, I have been able to maintain a healthy weight with little to no exercise. My family always made fun of me because I come from a family of athletes and the only sprinting I ever did was to the next store in the mall before it closed. It wasn’t until college (and the freshman fifteen…ok twenty) that I actually had to start working out. But the motivation was never for the right reasons. It was to look good in whatever Forever 21 strapless bubble tunic I had purchased for the weekend or because I could then justify drinking Long Island iced teas and eating Dominions at three in the morning. When I graduated and had to actually adult, the justifications became different but I always managed to keep my body looking the way I wanted. Then I got pregnant and that is when the word “tomorrow” became a regular in my vocabulary.

When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I immediately stopped working out because I was too nervous I would hurt him or myself. Instead, tried my best to eat healthy but every pregnant woman will tell you that the only cure for morning sickness is carbs. Lots and lots of carbs. I used to wake up so sick in the middle of the night and eat Ego Waffles dry like they were going out of style. Then when I was put on bed rest, the gloves were off. I gained a whopping 65lbs by the end and only 9lbs 4oz was actually baby. After my first pregnancy I never really got back to where I wanted. I would tell myself, “Tomorrow is the day!” Tomorrow would be the day I stopped using breastfeeding as an excuse to continue to eat my face off, but alas, tomorrow never came. What did come however, was another beautiful baby bump. Only this time I was 20lbs heavier to start. I promised myself that I would workout and eat right the second time around. I bought prenatal workouts and swore off junk food but I’m sure you can guess what happened. I sometimes think back to both pregnancies and feel really guilty and emotional because I could have taken even better care of my body than I was.

Anyway, as I approach my 30th birthday (9 days, 11 hours and 26 minutes from now but who’s counting?) and am now a mom of 2 under 3, I find myself using the word “tomorrow” A LOT. Mainly in reference to things pertaining to me personally and mainly because I am exhausted and two kids is friggen hard! I have been noticing that during the quiet moments while I am rocking with one of the kids or am in the shower, I find myself taking an inventory of my health and lifestyle habits and can honestly say that I am disappointed. I am certainly not proud of the foods I have been putting into my body or the lack of physical activity I have been doing. I’m pretty sure I body shame myself at least once a day and am embarrassed and ashamed of that. Now, although a double layered tube top from Forever (you ladies know what I’m taking about) was a pretty sweet reason to want to work on my summer body, I am now lucky enough to have 3 reasons why I need to begin living as my best self. I don’t want this “tomorrow” attitude to rub off on my children and I certainly don’t want them to become unhealthy adults because of the habits they grew up with.

SO as I write this post with my tiny girl sleeping next to me, I vow that tomorrow starts today! Well, it actually started on Monday ;) I wish that I had the courage to post a current “before” picture of myself but I am not that brave yet. I will however be sharing weekly updates :)

xo. N

NOTE: Before I end this post, I do have to say this. I am not passing judgment or telling anyone how much weight they should or should not gain while pregnant. I believe growing a human is THE hardest job in the world and you should be able to eat whatever the hell you want! This post is about my personal experiences and feelings only.